Village Bicycle
by Teh-AMAZING-One
Summary: This is a one-shot I did for a contest at naruto contest at LJ. Nothing graphic, just intense funny.


**A/N: I wrote this for a contest at LiveJournal. I wish I knew how to link it to there. Someone tell me? Go there and vote for me!** http:// community .livejournal. com/naruto_contest/

"_Be careful of Hatake, he's the village bicycle." _

Somehow, Naruto had a hard time seeing his sensei as a cyclist. And he definitely did not know about the communal bikes. Over a bowl a ramen, his brain food, he pondered the words from the woman in the bathhouse.

The man in question brought Naruto out of his reverie. Kakashi had an arm slung around Iruka, his eye creasing in a smile. Iruka must have said something funny. Icha Icha dangled almost precariously from his other hand as it swung a his side. They walked past the ramen stand seemingly oblivious to the outside world. Naruto thought that he should get the information straight from the source.

"Kakashi-sensei! Kakashi-sensei!" wailed Naruto when he caught up to the pair. They were on the steps of Iruka's apartment building.

"Yes?" drawled Kakashi, a bit too harshly. Iruka looked a bit disappointed about something.

"Do you like bicycles?"

Kakashi looked quizzically at the boy. He glanced at Iruka, who seemed a bit annoyed that their conversation was interrupted for _this_.

"I suppose so. But, they're not my favorite thing to ride," said Kakashi, giving a happy eye crease. Behind Naruto, Iruka blushed. "It's getting late. You should head to bed now for training tomorrow."

Naruto nodded and left. It was actually only evening, but the tenor of Kakashi's voice ended the conversation. Naruto resolved to ask him about it later.

* * *

Naruto did not get much of a chance the next day to get to the bottom of the comment. Kakashi sparred with Yamato– again– while he sparred with Sai. Sakura did not get the day of from the hospital, which Naruto regretted. She would be able to figure it out in three minutes flat.

The end of the training session gave Naruto cause for a shower. Not just sweat and dirt caked to his skin, but ink. Apparently, Sai tried a new disappearing reappearing concoction that drove Naruto nuts. The worst part was that Yamato and Kakashi never returned to the meet up spot on the field.

"What's got you riled up? Surely you've gotten over your dicklessness by now," suggested Sai helpfully. Naruto responded with a dodged punch.

"I wanted to talk to Kakashi-sensei, but he's gone! Why would he just leave?"

"Maybe he finally got sick of you. It's pretty easy to do. Though, sometimes I see him at the shinobi bar. Generally, he's their with either Gai or Anko, but I think I've seen him there talking to Ino once."

Naruto looked at his socially inept friend, thankful for a breakthrough. He decided to go there, thankful he was finally old enough to not have to sneak in.

The next night, Naruto waited diligently for any sign of Kakashi. Someone brought him over a free drink, which he sipped at to occupy himself. Then he was brought another, stronger drink. The more alcohol he was provided, the greater fervor with which he drank. Naruto did not see Kakashi leave with two stunning kuniochi; he didn't see much of anything.

In fact, the only thing he registered outside of his drunken stupor was a firm voice offering to walk him home. It sounded male, but strangely trustworthy. Naruto got up on wobbly legs, and decided that some help should be just fine.

* * *

The next morning, Naruto woke up in alarm. He felt like he fell down some stairs on his rump. He was in a strange bed and noticeably devoid of clothing. The door opened to revealed the prettiest person he had ever seen holding two coffee mugs and as naked as he. The only problem was while it looked like a girl, anatomy betrayed his true gender. Naruto preformed the seal for the teleportation justu, not even bothering finding his clothes. The man happy expression died as he set down his coffee mugs. '_Oh well_' he thought, '_at least I got out his kidney in time!_'

Naruto arrived back in his apartment, determined to wipe his memory clean. He remembered that he was supposed to meet Sakura on her lunch break, and decided to go early for a distraction.

* * *

Not unusually, Sakura was elbow deep in work to do. Genins with broken limbs from chakra control training, all level of ninja from kunai related injuries, and a strange influx of shinobi and civilian alike with missing organs. Sakura made a mental note to inform Tsunade of that immediately. Needless to say, she was not having a good day. She felt stiff and aching since being canceled on a _date_ the previous night. A Sakura without booty is something no one should ever trifle with. So, when Naruto interrupted her from stitching up a jounin, who let out a squeal of pain as the needle was unceremoniously ripped from his inner thigh, it was not the smartest move on his part.

"Naruto!" she yelled. "Don't ever yank me away from a patient again. It is my duty to first do no harm. I'm going to kick your ass for that!"

"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan!" he said as his hands with his palms flat against each other. He ventured, "I just really needed to talk to you about something!"

Sakura quirked an eyebrow and folded her arms, allowing him to continue.

"I was wondering if you could help me figure out something about Kakashi-sensei..." He recounted his past couple days, though editing out his most recent venture. Sakura seemed increasingly annoyed with what he was saying, and he feared that she would exact violent retribution for what he assumed was him spying on the woman's bathhouse.

"So, you're saying he was with Iruka-sensei, Yamato-taicho, Gai-sensei, Anko-sensei, and even Ino-pig?" she asked dangerously.

Naruto nodded, suddenly fearing for his life.

"Tell you what: since I have to go by his place for something anyway, I'll get to the bottom of it for you. I'll meet for ramen later, ok?"

"Really, Sakura-chan?" he asked, not believing his luck. Not only did he get out of a beating, but she was going to figure out the mystery for him. She'd probably be better at it than him, anyway. He seemed more open with her recently. She nodded, and handed her files to a nearby nurse.

The jounin behind the curtain was still in pain.

"Haruno-san? You there? I'm bleeding now, and I'd really like to not be bottomless."

* * *

Shortly after her exchange with Naruto, Sakura was inside Kakashi's apartment. She used her key to get in, and found him in just a towel and a smile.

"Sakura! What a lovely surprise!" he greeted, "Come for some afternoon delight?"

"Save it, Kakashi!" she growled, fists clenched at her sides. "I thought you were through with Iruka! You said he meant nothing to you! Why did Naruto see you with him the other night?"

As she advanced upon Kakashi, hands up to his chest with his palms facing her, "Now, baby, you've got this all wrong..."

Sakura did not wait for him to finish his sentence as she sent him hurtling through the wall of his third story apartment, crashing naked into a vegetable cart. Anyone who ever wanted to see under his mask got to, though they thought this was a bit much.


End file.
